Letters to God From the Dog

TO:  GOD FROM: THE DOG Dear God:  Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed? Dear God:  Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the  colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? Dear God:  If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog? Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Dear God:  Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I  have to apologize? Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just  because I like the way they smell. 3. The Litter Box is not a  cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 5. The  garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play  tug-of-war with Dad 's underwear when he's on the toilet. 7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'. 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table . 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that  noise, it's usually not a good thing.   P.S.  Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?   'Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened'